Judgement House

Right now, I’m trying to rewrite something I saw a few days ago, that kindof disturbed me. It’s a play called Judgment House, with walkthrough scenes depicting life choices post-mortem judgement. It astonishes me at its power every time I attend a local church’s version. It always brings out the power of their actors, and production team and astonishes me at the way people can be affected. It’s scary, too. Gets my blood pumping. But something was different this year. The plot is different every time, churches can pick which script they would like to act out every year, so it’s usually different. When I went to it this time, the production was excellent as usual. A little less frightening than normal, but still, the quiet, shy girl in my class didn’t go to hell into without a fight. (I’ll explain in a minute) So, the disturbing part. The plotline itself. The plot focused on teens, but as a teen in the middle of  teenhood, I didn’t want to become a christian after watching it. I wanted to fight it. Lemme draw it out.

 

Scene 1: Some parents are in the office of the pastor of a local church. They are complaining about Rachel, a teen whose parents are in jail because of drug-related issues. They believe she is also a drug-user, and will be a bad influence to their children, and their children’s safety on a youth trip taking place that week. The pastor maintains that the church’s job is not to babysit children, but to reach out to those hurting and in need.  He also points out that a longstanding member of the church, and overall good person has custody of Rachel. Her Grandmother. This makes the parents quite angry, and the meeting adjourns abruptly. That’s good. I like that. The church is focusing on what I think they should.

 

Scene 2: Rachel’s grandmother is talking to a photo of her deceased husband back at her house. Rachel comes in from the back and drops her packed bag on the ground. Her grandma kindly and warmly makes sure Rachel has everything and assures her she’ll have a great time. Rachel protests, pointing out that everyone on the trip hates her, and she can’t trust anyone after all she’s been through. And who can blame her? She storms out of the house still angry, and her grandmother prays for her

 

This is where the first thing happened that I have trouble with. The grandmother. She was a good person, she kept her cool, she prayed, she was honestly trying to help. But when Rachel got angry, her grandmother was clearly disheartened. But she was disheartened that Rachel was not accepting the help, making Rachel the antagonist, completely ignoring the so often stated fact that she’s had a hard life. Not really a big thing, but worth mentioning.

 

Scene 3: A bunch of students and parents are hanging around the church, preparing to leave. Pastor Mike stands up and prepares the group to go, also asking that the students befriend Rachel, and help her out, mentioning (again) her rough circumstances. After, the students whisper amongst themselves about Rachel. They all, well all but one guy who refused to take sides, were complaining and gossiping, and judging and just being all around jerks to her. Typical youth group these days. One parent walked up to their child and requested they completely avoid Rachel. At this point Rachel walked in. Obviously she had heard enough, but she was quiet about it, with a sulky look. The ladies at the registration table asked her to fill out a form. While she was doing so, they gossiped about her too. The group got together to pray before they left.

Scene 4: The group is at camp playing games. The students are still gossiping. Casting Crowns’ “Lifesong” is playing. Rachel is sitting in the corner. One girl comes up to talk to her, but Rachel pushes her away. She is hurt and joins the other kids. A youth leader steps up, quiets the music and gather the group to listen to the lesson for that day. It’s about loving people, and reaching out to the hurting. Exactly the opposite of those kids. Midway in, Pastor Mike walks in and pulls Rachel to the side. He tries to be gentle and helpful, but informs her that her grandmother has died, and she has to go home. Rachel appears unemotional, and goes to her room to pack up.  The lesson ends, David Crowder’s cover of John Mark McMillan’s “How He Loves” is playing.

 

Scene 5: Rachel sits in her room. She has clearly lost all control of her emotions, her present ones having lost the last person she felt she might could trust, and everything else bottled up, and all of the hateful words the kids said about her. She writes on some paper, then stands up, crying (great job on part of the actor). She rants about about all shes been through, and how she wants it to end. She just wants all the pain to stop. The words the kids were saying start playing from hidden speakers throughout the room. She reaches in her backpack and  pulls out some drugs. She swallows them, killing herself. A voice behind a curtain starts laughing, shouting “You are mine!”

 

Scene 6: Judgement has come. As we walked into this scene, two actors were already in place behind the tape that us viewers were supposed to be behind. They stood among us. A man came  up in front of a podium, and started reading from the book of life. He called Rachel’s grandmother. He told her she had done well, a good and faithful servant, and sent her to heaven, escorted by an angel. He called Rachel. He told her that she had not accepted Christ, and pushed away those (few) who had tried to help her. A demon came forth and dragged her, screaming, into a red door. Hell. He called the names of all of us. I was 4th. He told us it was not our time, and we could go back,  but keep in mind what happened there.

 

From there we experienced a hell scene, and a heaven scene. Each one about as close as you can get in a play.

 

Okay. Now for what ticked me off. This girl, who has had an unbelievable hard life, and has shut out everyone as a result, is judged by many, and one point of the play was that words hurt. But after all this, this girl hits rock bottom, and thats it. That’s the end. Most tragedies have a bittersweet ending. This one was bitter. They repeated her circumstances too many times to count, encouraging people not to blame her for it. They repeated over and over that words hurt. But This girl, whom the audience has allied itself with, is made the bad guy. I’ll agree. What happens on earth doesn’t matter when you get to judgement. She  made her choice. But people on earth still hurt her, and nothing happened. They didnt change. Nothing was learned. I mean, sure, it was real, but it didn’t feel right, as a teen in society, it would’ve made me resent christians.

 

Another thing though. If you read about suicide, you see alot about how people do it when the pain exceeds what they can handle. And the play followed that to the letter. I mean, I didn’t believe the writers knew anything about it but that. There’s so much more. Plus, this girl was stubborn, and resisted all help. That’s why she went to hell. She wasn’t at all someone whose first thought would be to kill herself. She was the type to explode in everyone else’s faces. Her character didn’t match her action. It didn’t make sense. If her character was believable as suicidal, the plot wouldn’t have made sense. So the whole thing fell apart. Atleast in my mind. I left that place angry at the way something as touchy as suicidal was portrayed. I don’t endorse anything to manipulate the public, please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I’m not saying it should have been portrayed in a way that makes people feel more sorry for the person. I’m saying it should be portrayed as it is. And they didn’t do that.

 

But maybe I overrected. Suicide is a problem close to my heart. There are dozens of problems to fix in the world, I think the biggest being the human condition, the second being abortion. But suicide, abuse, depression, self-injury, eating disorders, loneliness, and those things associated with it… That’s my cause. My mission is not to change corrupt govt. That’s my friend Zach. My mission is not to fight terrorists. That’s my friend Jonathan. My mission is not to stop abortion, (though that’s pretty close too), That’s my prayer group. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ignoring those, those thing are all major, major problems as well. But I can only tackle one at a time. God’s got someone to get those too. If I have room for a second, I’ll take another. But those are mine. So maybe, I took the whole thing personally, and they should have done it the way they did. I’m rewriting it anyway, but maybe I’m wrong.

 

So I just stated something I believe to be a problem, now I should probably offer my opinion. I think… people should know about this. The deeper meaning. I once heard it explained by this. a weed in a field represent the problem. You see it, you see its’ a problem, so you cut it down. But its’ roots are still there. It’s gonna grow back. The roots represent the cause(s) of the problem. If you wanna fix it, you pull it out by the roots. The world should know what people feel, and think, truly think when they decide they wanna quit life.

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. It is predicted that by 2020 the rate of death will increase to one every 20 seconds.

The WHO further reports that:

In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is now among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 (male and female). Suicide attempts are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicides.

Although suicide rates have traditionally been highest amongst elderly males, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of all countries.

Mental health disorders (particularly depression and substance abuse) are associated with more than 90% of all cases of suicide.

However, suicide results from many complex sociocultural factors and is more likely to occur during periods of socioeconomic, family and individual crisis (e.g. loss of a loved one, unemployment, sexual orientation, difficulties with developing one’s identity, disassociation from one’s community or other social/belief group, and honour).

The WHO also states that:

In Europe, particularly Eastern Europe, the highest suicide rates are reported for both men and women.

The Eastern Mediterranean Region and Central Asia republics have the lowest suicide rates.

Nearly 30% of all suicides worldwide occur in India and China.

Suicides globally by age are as follows: 55% are aged between 15 to 44 years and 45% are aged 45 years and over.

Youth suicide is increasing at the greatest rate.

In the US, the Center of Disease Control and Prevention reports that:

Overall, suicide is the eleventh leading cause of death for all US Americans, and is the third leading cause of death for young people 15-24 years.

Although suicide is a serious problem among the young and adults, death rates continue to be highest among older adults ages 65 years and over.

Males are four times more likely to die from suicide than are females. However, females are more likely to attempt suicide than are males.

Stats from TWLOHA.com

Suicide, and those things, those are symptoms of a greater disease. People need to know. Bring it on.

 

So that’s what I’m doing this week. Howabout you?

What Inspires Me?

Once again I conferred to my friend Alec for blog post ideas. She’s good with the deep stuff. The other stuff too, but deep stuff in particular.

 

“write about what gives you hope. What lifts your head up. What gives rise to your dreams and makes you feel like you just might be ok?”

 

You know… that sounds alot like a good definition of inspiration. Maybe she’s looking for more clarification on that subject. If you are, I’m onto you. If not. Then… congrats on getting an answer.

 

About 2 years ago, I attended the youth group at the church we are currently members of for a few weeks. I say for a few weeks because I felt so discouraged by it. The first time I walked in, and they said hi, welcomed me in, and introduced me to some people. But then that was it. After that I stood to one side with people walking by me every second, for about 20 minutes before the service started. Not one person said hi. That went on for a while, until I gave up. There was no interaction for me there, I knew nobody, and nobody took the time to know me. But who knows, that could have been me not trying as well.

 

But you know, I went just the other day, reasons unimportant, and I got the usual welcome at the door, but the first thing that happened, was the pastor’s incredibly busy son stopped and talked to me, for as long as he could before he had to go run sound or something. One person I knew came over talked to me, and introduced me to some people, I met the band’s keyboardist,and we talked until service started, which was pretty cool. I felt accepted. But that wasn’t as cool as when these people I’d just met, who liked alot of the same stuff I did, saw me sitting in the far corner, and walked over, and told me to join them, or they would sit with me, either way they didn’t want me sitting alone. The last time I went, I sat alone the whole time, except for this youth pastor who saw me. He was the only one, and he couldn’t stay long. I never saw him again.

 

That, gave me hope. That made me… happy. Things like that, images of people being reached out to, people being healed, a difference being made, a battle won for good. That person sitting in the back row ignored, imagine who they could be. They could be there as one final attempt to reach out for help, and plan to go home, and kill themself. That happens. They could be suffering through a divorce, and be blaming themself, planning to go home and cut themself, because they got no relief from church. They could be struggling with an addiction, like porn, or drugs, and feel so convicted that they decide to get help. And go home and fill that emptiness with immoral things, because no one took the time, to talk to them about how they were doing, to try and help them. How are you,? was once a question that meant something. Now it’s a courtesy. More like a curse. Few things, can get a rise out of me. But nothing hurts more than seeing that. Seeing lives fall apart, while people just watched. Nothing makes me hate myself, more than knowing that I stood by and watched a life fall apart.

 

A life. One of the most beautiful things in the world, right up there with love, is life. Life filled with happiness, and hope, and second chances. You can get another chance. But you can’t get another life. Another life filled with potential, to love, to laugh, to create, to draw, to sing, to play. Life is beautiful, and should be lived for God. And watching something so beautiful fall, kills me. Breaks me into too many pieces to count.

 

We were meant to live for so much more, than we are. Have we lost ourselves? We were mean to live, to love. Love, true, faithful, honest, uplifting, encouraging, healing. Love, is the most powerful thing in the world. Dwell on that, think about the true power that comes from love? I believe that all power either comes from love or hate. Have you ever seen someone, or heard of someone, who lived in a world of their own, without love? All alone. It’s the worst. I can think of nothing in the human world, to top that as the worst sight, feeling, whatever, of all time, and I truly believe, that is what hell will consist of.

 

So what gives me hope is any story of redemption, of love lost, life lost, and regained again. Simple, right?

Oh. Wow.

Question. The meaning of life, Donuts, 3 2-way conversations, John Locke, Works/Faith, Abortion, fingerpicking, and Saosin’s “You’re Not Alone.” What do they all have in common? Besides that. Bingo. No, not bingo. You probably didn’t guess it. I was attempting to reason through all of them tonight. Yeah. ‘Cause I’m awesome like that.  Well, in the process of getting my brain focused to think through it all, Something hit me. Yep. Hit me. Ever  been hit in the skull by a baseball bat? Me neither. But because I have been hit in the head before (Shut up, Tadd and Bob) I know the sensation. And now, I have spend over 100 words talking about nothing besides the fact that I’m going to talk about something.

I felt that I had to write this down someplace where I wouldn’t forget it, and soon. This is just huge. Atleast to me.

I was thinking, and all of a sudden one of the people I was talking to mentioned something to me. I forget what it was, and don’t really remember the exact quote, and am too lazy to go find it. Whatever it was, it triggered some old memories, and the realization that some of the core beliefs I adhere to… are wrong, and possibly revealed my greatest weakness to me fully. BadaBAM! I stole that. BadaBAM! But it’s fun. So anyway… Basically the train of thought went like this, beginning with the premise, “No friendship is forever. They all fade away with time.” Don’t protest me yet. From there we go to “If friendships hurt when they end, why make them at all? Why not break away from all those around me now and save the trouble?” Hold it back… “Wait a minute, that ain’t right.” (I’m southern, shaddup.) “Why do I think like that? Who says that’s true? What does that even mean? That’s stupid.” Aha. The question, “Why do I think like that?”  Resonates in my head. “I don’t believe that, do I?” to “Yes. I do.” to “No I don’t! I hate that! I no longer believe that, and don’t know why I did before!” Great. Another battle in my head resolved. Wait… Battle? No no no. I gotta win the war. Find the source and fix it. Either that or kill it. Whichever works best. “What’s the source of this terrible reasoning?” “Your own mind.” “What?” “Exactly.” As you can see, I suffer from Schizophrenia. Suffer is an interesting word… it’s someone to talk to. Anyway. Howabout a dialogue?

Curious Me: What do you mean, me?

Cynical Me: I mean it comes from your own head.

Curious: My head? But where’d my head get it from?

Cynical: Think about it. Just your head.

Curious: So I came up with it on my own?

Cynical: You tell me.

Curious: This isn’t a movie, stop being so dramatic.

Cynical: Oh yeah. But it’s fun.

Curious: So then… how did I come to this conclusion? Why did it come to this? Why wasn’t I stopped from this?

Cynical: You weren’t stopped. You thought you could do it. You refused to be stopped.

Curious: So… then… my own independence brought this about.

Cynical: You’re getting there.

Curious: Not just this sad conclusion. There are others, aren’t they?

Cynical: Bingo. But there’s hope. You’re clinging to all the friends you’ve got. You’re acting on your gut. Keep doing that.

Curious: What if my gut’s wrong?

Cynical: Well, your head sure isn’t right. Use it as a guide, but rely on your gut to tell you when something’s wrong.

Curious: Got it. So that’s how I win the war?

Cynical: Yes. But you forget the crucial detail in this.

Curious: The Crucial Detail?

Cynical: Your weakness was that you relied on your own strength. It’ll fail you again.

Curious: My friends. I need to use them to help.

Cynical: Yep.

Curious: Oh.

Cynical: Hahaha, good luck.

Curious: Bring it on. So why are you dressed like a Mob Boss?

Cynical: It’s fun

Curious: Gotcha.

So there you have it. My unwillingness to lean on somebody, my greatest weakness, that has caused me to believe lies for so long, exposed. I never asked questions about life when I was young.  I thought I could do it on my own. I hope I’m not too confident in this. But this I think is the truth. The truth that I’ve been praying for.

And to my friends, anyone that I’ll stop and say Hi to in the hallway. I’m so sorry for underestimating you for so long. I hope you can forgive me. And I hope you won’t think I’m being selfish in this, and if you do think that, please tell me. You can lean on me too. We’re all in the together. Please?

Sweet.

So, it would seem I’ve confirmed that I have 2 people reading this. Sweet. So then a shoutout to my fanbase!

Anyways, yea, cutting to the chase. In my walk through life, and I believe everyone’s, there are always different challenges people go through. And currently, I’ve been wondering about my life direction. Where am I going, what do I wanna do, and how do I get there? If you’ve been reading, you know what I wanna do. And as far as I can tell, that’s where I’m going, so the question is, how do I get there? I’m a junior in High School, gonna be graduating right when I turn 17, so that leaves me in a tight spot, agewise. Plus the odds of anyone making a successful living in either writing or music, is around 100 to 1 of those who attempt. So, of course, I keep a plan B in my mind. It’s looking like no matter what I do, I’m going to college, but once I get out, am I just gonna find some lousy desk job for the rest of my life, or go somewhere? I know that college will change me, and I don’t know who I’ll be on the otherside, or if that person can make it. But enough of that. My real ponderence tonight centers around this quote.

‎Men, for the sake of getting a living, forget to live. -Margaret Fuller

I’d really like to live. And I’d really like to get a living. As I’m sure most teens in this country do. But the thing is, Living is not any easy thing to do. It just kinda happens. Whereas getting a living, while also not an easy thing to do in this economy, is almost guaranteed if you try thanks to despite its’ faults the greatest country in the world. It all comes down to a choice. Are you gonna follow your heart, and set yourself up for a possibly extreme fall, or are you gonna keep on trudging, and take the easy way out? After talking to several people the general consensus seems to be that the best plan of action, in finding life direction is evenly divided between those who would rather jump than build a bridge, but are still gonna take the sure path, and those who would rather jump than build a bridge, and are gonna jump, and pray for the best. There’s not really much to talk about on that subject, but yet it’s one that can be pondered on for hours. I know this because I have. Quite possible one of the top 5 greatest decisions I, and anyone else will make.

As for me, I’m going to pray long and hard for some idea of what to do. Because God, I feel that I could be so very useful to you, but I just need a little boost to get there. Please prepare me, ’cause I’m not ready. And then please send me, ’cause I’m willing.

Masks.

I’m not afraid
I’m not ashamed
I’m not to blame
Welcome to the masquerade,
I’m not ashamed
I’m not afraid
I’m not okay
Welcome to the masquerade!

shouts Trevor McNeva, lead vocalist for canadian based rockers Thousand Foot Krutch. The chorus of the title track from their latest album, Welcome To The Masquerade, screams out to me. It’s a painful reminder of one of many painful truths in America today, that life is like a party in which everyone wears a mask.  Masks created to hide who we are, what we go through. Whenever I hear that chorus, an image pops into my head. It’s like I’m a character in a play, a normal person living life, when all of a sudden he rips off this mask, like that person is not afraid to show who he is. He looks up, and is suddenly aware of those around him, and how they’re all wearing masks similar to the one he just removed, and as the final line plays, he looks up and sees another person without a mask, welcoming him, to the masquerade. I chose that scene as symbolism because of it’s truth, and clarity. This is as masquerade party. We’ve all been taught to hide our true emotions, and our real selves, from everyone and everything around us. We build up walls to keep the world out. And that hurts us in the end. Even among those closest to us, we put up masks, that display who we wanna be, not who we really are. We wanna be people with perfect lives. We wanna be people who always act this way, or keep a cool head, or don’t judge people, or a million other things that we’re not. We can’t change our messed up lives. We can’t always act this way, we can’t always be calm, though we try we do judge, and a million other things.

What if, for just a second, everyone took off their masks? What if people just showed who they really are, imperfect, and hurting? Long enough for the watchful eye to gain insight into the truth of the problems in the world. Long enough for the healing hand to step in and lift the pains of life holding us down. Healing begins with change, and change comes where change is needed. People, we need to step out of our comfort zones, into the realm of the unknown.

I was at a party the other day, just pausing and listening to all the noises and chatter going on around me when I heard one concerning the everyday courtesy that the phrase “How are you?” has become. I rushed over quickly to join, because I love challenges like those of defying the ordinary. One of my friends mentioned how in some foreign countries, if you stop and ask someone how it’s going, they will actually stop and tell you in detail, how it’s going. Another one of my friends stood up and mentioned how in another part of the world she takes interest in, they do the same thing. We’re really the only people who don’t. It’s no wonder our country is in the state of affairs it’s in. Everyone is hidden, with hidden motives pulling at them, with hidden problems destroying them.

So I guess what I’m trying to say here, is for all of those with a mask on, take a chance, live life. Take it off, and see all around you. Don’t act okay if you’re not. Don’t say something you don’t mean. Be honest. See what happens when you do. God works in surprising ways, and if you’re willing to let him, he can help you.

He’s on his way to nowhere cause he heard it was safe there.
And safe is something valuable here.
He spent half his life searching and the other half working to find out if Jesus is real.
And they said son look away don’t be afraid when you want to turn back a million time and it might get colder but wait til it’s over.
Son you will find your way.
And I said I will not look away this time.
Take all these cuts and make them shine, and all this pain I feel inside so I can find my way home again.
I will not look away this time.
Take all these cuts and make them shine.
Don’t want to be perfect just alright.

Untitled Song.

Locked in with nowhere to run.

Even time, cannot be undone,

Although the scars faded, they can’t be erased,

What have I done? (You lied!)

Walls, closing in, around.

Beauty, getting lost in the sound.

Silent Screaming, and the voices all around.

What have I now? (Nothing but yourself!)

I can’t get out, I’m so scared, of myself.

So weak so tired, full of doubt.

Will you break, my walls, down?

They’ve shut, them all, out. Even me…

I’m so dark, so cold, so dead.

I only wanted to live

But now I can see, I’ve forgotten me.

What can I do? (Nothing!)

I can’t get out, I’m so scared, of myself.

So weak so tired, full of doubt.

Will you break, my walls, down?

They’ve shut, them all, out. Even me…

He saw beauty, in pain. The love STILL remains,

The Dark just breaks, I can see his face

Brilliant in the colors of majesty, I can see

I watch, around, as my walls fall down

They fall away as that light pierces through,

A current of electricity Illuminated through you

You can’t get out, You’re so scared, of yourself.

So weak so tired, full of doubt.

Will he break, your walls, down?

They’ve shut, them all, out. Even me…

If I can ever get my hands on a quality keyboard and recording device, this song is going to piano.

Locked in with nowhere to run.

Even time, cannot be undone,

Although the scars faded, they can’t be erased,

What have I done? (You lied!)

Walls, closing in, around.

Beauty, getting lost in the sound.

Silent Screaming, and the voices all around.

What have I now? (Nothing but yourself!)

I can’t get out, I’m so scared, of myself.

So weak so tired, full of doubt.

Will you break, my walls, down?

They’ve shut, them all, out. Even me…

I’m so dark, so cold, so dead.

I only wanted to live

But now I can see, I’ve forgotten me.

What can I do? (Nothing!)

I can’t get out, I’m so scared, of myself.

So weak so tired, full of doubt.

Will you break, my walls, down?

They’ve shut, them all, out. Even me…

He saw beauty, in pain. The love STILL remains,

The Dark just breaks, I can see his face

Brilliant in the colors of majesty, I can see

I watch, around, as my walls fall down

They fall away as that light pierces through,

A current of electricity Illuminated through you

You can’t get out, You’re so scared, of yourself.

So weak so tired, full of doubt.

Will he break, your walls, down?

They’ve shut, them all, out. Even me…

Inspiration.

I  made a note to myself in my last post, to write about inspiration, and what I thought about it. Well, Inspiration is… it’s an idea. A random idea,  usually out of nowhere, that your mind looks at and says “You’re a good thought. I’m going to act on you.” A stimulus, if you will. But what is it about inspirational thoughts and ideas, that motivates us? What really gets us up and going? What makes this one better than that one? To answer that, I think that this should be separated, into half. Two types of inspiration, indeed. 1: This thought inspires me more than that. This is interesting, in that the difference between the words “this” and “that” is at the core of it, I can touch “this.” “This,” is within arm’s reach. “That,” however, is farther out. I can’t reach that. I have to get out of my chair, and as soon as I come near to “that,” It will change, and become “this.” That is what makes this thought inspirational. Get your mind around that one.  But essentially, inspirational thoughts, are easier. Simpler. “Write about inspiration.” That was one. Harder than it appeared, but seemingly easy, and useful. Something I don’t have to do, but feel like I should do, and that won’t really be far out of my way. “Get in shape.” Wow. That’s hard. Nah. Maybe Later. And so I sit here still. Indeed, half of these ideas inspire because they are easy. Now the other half. Divine Inspiration. Ideas that are hard, and we are overwhelmingly compelled to complete. These, I believe* come from God. Ideas to help and to heal, to uplift and bring peace. To open doors, to help old ladies across the street, to smile, and tell the cashier to “have a nice day.” An idea, that is either easy and useful, or driven by selflessness, is most often considered inspirational. That’s really all i have to say about inspiration, and I cannot remember my original premise on the subject. I do have one thing to say to wrap this up. Inspiration, and motivation, are so easily confused. Motivation is completely different. Inspiration can be likened to an act. Motivation, is likened to why we do something. What gets us going. Really, the most confused area here, is when God inspires us to do something hard, we need some motivation to supplement that. Why can’t we just listen and obey? Why is it so hard without good reason? It’s supposed to be “God said it. Go do it.” And I am the guiltiest.

*I state this as fact. All of it. But in reality, this is theory, and to be taken as such. Compare this to your own beliefs and experiences before accepting it as truth, because honestly, I don’t know. I just suppose.

Good Questions.

So, I was thinking about what I should do for a blog post, because honestly, I need to post more. I can’t just create a blog and then drop it like a bag full of stones, now can I? Well… I can, but that would be a tragedy. Who knows what the smallest things that we rarely think about can do with the power of God…  Where was I… right, blog posts. So I asked a friend of mine named Alec if she had any good ideas. Honestly, I can’t think when I want to, and I can’t stop when I want to. So, she said this and I quote, you can even check out the little quote things on the side.

What inspires you? What makes you want to live life? What moves your heart to action?

Works for me. Dunno why I haven’t bothered to clarify it yet here.  Well, first of all, I have no idea what exactly inspires me. Not a clue. That’s not to say I don’t get inspired or anything of the like. It’s just I don’t have the foggiest idea of how or when it happens. Sometimes it’s not even triggered. I just look up and think “Woah, Inspiration!” Example. Randomly I just got inspired to write about Inspiration. Not my inspiration, just… inspiration. This is a note. To myself. To do,  just that… later.

What makes me want to live life? Great question, with a great answer. What moves my heart to action? Another great question. I say they’re both kindof intertwined. I want to live life because… my action isn’t complete yet. In that case the true answer to both is what moves my heart to action, lies in the next paragraph. Ha.

All my life, whenever I saw someone who was hurting, not physically, but mentally, or emotionally, on some level, I feel their pain and emphasize strongly with them. Whenever my brothers would get in trouble wrongly, I would feel like I was the one accused. I wasn’t and I’ll admit it, I rarely got into trouble. Not really proud of that fact, but it’s true. If I heard someone crying, for whatever the reason, I’d feel like crying too. Someone told a sad story, I wouldn’t know what they were going through or had gone through, but I’d look for a way to relate to that. I’d look for a problem in my life, on a much smaller scale of course, and I’d imagine if it was much worse, exactly how I’d feel. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I still don’t have the foggiest what pain people in the world have gone through. I’m not good at feeling other people’s hurt, but one thing for sure I know. It felt like hell to them. It’s real. And it’s out there, and it hurts. So much. People, are hurting. Anyone over 20, atleast, that doesn’t hurt now, went through some kind of pain to get there. I’m not getting angry because there’s pain. Not at all. I think it’s good that pain exists. This world works on a set of balances, and one of those is “In order to get somewhere, you’ve got to be somewhere else.” If I want my room to be clean, first it’s gotta be a mess. If I wanna feel better, first I gotta hurt. If I want to be saved, first I need saving. Jesus works on that principle. In order for us to want him, we’ve gotta realize who and what we are without him. That’s what sin is for. We appreciate God and Jesus and heaven so much more if we just realize what the world is like without those things.

That also doesn’t mean that pain, and sickness, and sorrow are good things. No. Just necessary. We need them, so we can beat them. That is what drives me. That is why I want to live. Because healing, helping, giving comfort to those who need it, who have gone through enough, to those who have been abused, to those that cut themselves, to those who feel like the only way out is to die, is enough for me. Nothing less. I have watched people be hurt, and stood by, for too long. 15 years. 15 years without standing up. The hell am I doing? People are dying. Dying. For the sole reason that they believe the lie that death is better than this. Enough. I have never been much of a fighter. I’ve always stood by, watching, like I’m waiting for something. Hoping for someone else to step in so I don’t have to. What will people of think if I go and hug this person who needs it? Wimp. Wuss. Worthless. No more. I won’t die, until I make a difference. Until I save some lives. Until I reach out to someone who needs to feel like they’re worth something, and they’re not the only one.

Walk up to someone in the church today and say “How are you?” Few things put more fear into most Baptists than when the person asked says “Well…” and then tell you how they are. It’s become a courtesy, nothing more than a simple greeting. I’m a strong believe in saying exactly what you mean. So if I stop and say, “No really, How are you doing,” What would happen if I was given the real answer? “Life sucks and I wanna die.” “I don’t think anyone can love me.” “I don’t believe in God, so why am I here?” “I can’t stop looking at porn on the internet.” “My girlfriend’s pregnant.” “I’ve got scars up and down my arms” “Help me.” People, WAKE UP! YOU HEAR ME! I AM SPEAKING TO YOU IN CAPITAL LETTERS! CAPITAL LETTERS! People can’t hide things like that forever. No way. It finally comes out, and people are shocked. They think, “I had no idea, how could I have helped if I didn’t know?” I guarantee you, in that conversation, there is someone who is sitting there, nodding their head like it’s a tragedy, knowing full well the same thing is happening to them. Those of you who don’t  know there’s a problem, I’ve got a solution for you. You can know, if you just ask. It’s easy. Like this. “How ya doin?” Usually they’ll say fine. “You sure?” Still fine. But at the minimum, they know you care. Or would be willing to listen. Don’t judge. Be willing to listen, and empathize. Be a good friend, be someone to trust, and people will start trusting you. Be there. Listen. Pray. Be open, and be alert. I saw this recently. In real life. Someone I know asked someone else I know how they were actually doing. Offered to help them, to be their friend, because they noticed they were hurting. He was LOOKING for it. Opening himself up, offering himself up. That, is the kindof man I wanna be. The kind of man I’ll become or die trying.

One day, I’m gonna find me a job where I can do that. Where I can be open, and help those in need. Writer, maybe. Writing books and articles and late night blog entries about those things, to help those people. Musician, maybe. I really like Skillet’s approach, especially their Comatose album. All those thousands of teens that attend their concerts, If any, the ones hurting most, who need healing the most, are touched by the words, put simply, and clearly. Skillet is not my favorite band, no. But I have to say, that’s the way I’d do it. Write good music with understanding and uplifting lyrics, and talk to people, help them, lift them up. Musician’s, especially Christian ones that speak to teens, make so much of a difference. Whatever the case, I’m going to put every once of passion and energy that I have been holding back for too long into every word, every line, every note that I say, until I can’t anymore. Because there are people out there who are willing to take a stand. Because there are people out there who need someone to stand for them. Because no one, can go through life alone. That, is why I want to live, and that, is what moves my heart to action.

To Save A Life

Right then. So I just watched “To Save A Life” on DVD, the new independent films from NewSong pictures. That film is groundbreaking, and epic. Look up Epic in the dictionary. Double that. And you have “To Save a Life.” A truly contemporary christian film that should speak to the world. That film may just have changed my entire life direction. Seriously. I saw it for the 1st time in Feb. and I’m still set.

The film tells the story of Jake Taylor, a young man who has it all: a basketball scholarship, the ideal girlfriend, and the right friends. But faced with the demands of the in-crowd, Jake has written off his childhood best-friend, Roger. Isolated and mistreated, Roger finally takes his anger to the extreme when he shows up one day on campus with a gun.

Jake’s last-ditch effort cant stop Roger. And the events which follow rock Jakes world. He begins to question everything. But most of all, he cant stop asking: Could I have saved Roger?

In his search for answers, Jake finds himself looking for the next Roger. He reaches out to geeks, losers, and loners. But crossing the strict high school caste lines threatens everything Jake values. And pushes him to answer the most important question of all: What do I want my life to be about?

It was received with heavy success among teens and viewers despite mixed reviews from critics. It’s quite graphic without crossing the line, and really highlights teen issues in America.

What Jake does, how his life changes, is how all of our lives should change as well as how we can change lives. Just watch it, and this whole post will make sense.

The movie deals with Alcohol, Sex, Self-Injury, Suicide, Divorce, and nearly every teen issue imaginable. I’ve had deep talks with people that have suffered through those, and  I’ve gotta say, the need is real. People all over America need to Stand Up. One person can save a life. One Person can change the world. But you gotta do it. This stuff happens.

Check the trailer. This is SO worth it. Cannot place it into words.

Good vs. Evil

Okay, so I was thinking the other day right, and what was on my mind was the concept of good and evil, and what they really are. I mean really. I’ve been doing some reading. Two books in particular. Two very good books, by a couple of my favorite authors. 1 is C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity, and the other, Uncle Eric’s World War 1. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis discusses many things, but one of these is morals. He discusses … well I won’t go into ALL of the details but I will tell you he touches on a “law” that humans must adhere to in the same way they adhere to the law of gravity. Moral law, otherwise known as the Law of Human Nature. So many TV shows and books in our culture today have sets of morals in them, and characters who have different morals. When two people get into a fight, they’re not really trying to right a wrong, but to prove whose set of morals is higher than the other. Each believes that the other has done a wrong, and it should be righted by showing that their own set of morals is “better” than the others. Better than what? Better than compared to what? In order to show that something is better, you need to have a steady baseline to compare it to. A second set of morals if you will, a steady unchanging sense of good and evil. Long story short, everyone has this baseline set in their head, and its not taught by society, society just teaches us how to  behave, a kid on an abandoned island will grow up with this sense of right and wrong. Even the worst of serial killers has it, he just chooses not to obey it. So we have two sets of morals, the set we adhere to, and the set we compare it and everyone else’s to. What we do and what we “should” do. That “should” is the law of human nature. It’s really great proof for the existence of God, who actually sets those rules in place.

WW1, by Uncle Eric, summarize the cause and effects of mainly the US Government, as well as some others leading up to and including World War 1. It talks from a non-religious perspective on the choices both good and bad of many humans. It also talks about the war in the mideast. Did you know the USG has troops in over 180 countries, conquering them and bending them to its rules, under the guise of the protection of US “Interests” and “Foreign aid.” A survey of Vietnam US Generals revealed that 2/3 of them never had a clear idea of what exactly the interests and goals were. The Vietnamese were protecting their land that we were taking from them. I realize this sounds terrible, but 9.11 was the effect of us messing around in the mideast giving aid to it. Whoever we fight for, we gain their enemies. And so we have alot of enemies. We brought them home that terrible day. The Swiss have not been in a war for 200 years. They are sandwiched in between Germany, Italy, Austria, and France. Two of those were major players on the side of the Axis in ww2, and 3 of those are enemies with switzerland. But through all those wars around it, the swiss sat back and watched. How is this possible, Why did Hitler avoid Switzerland? Simple. Switzerland was infested with around 1 million trained snipers. Marksmanship is the national support, and its soldiers keep their weapons in their homes. They don’t leave the country, they know how to fight. There are bomb shelters for 150% of it’s population. They know who to target, generals and high ranking officials. They’re ready to die for their liberty. And so you don’t touch that porcupine. They dont have sufficient enemies to destroy them. They have hidden bunkers in the mountains and evac plans at the ready. They know war. They know not to meddle in the affairs of the old world. All these wars are just chain reactions set off by people who are power hungry and dont’ know better.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is people are stupid. They never learn, they always fight, they don’t have any good, and evil. No wrong vs. right. The citizens of America have been deceived and taught that the USG is always good and right. Well, so have the citizens of Russia. And China. We’re always fighting for what’s right. Or are we? Our Good and Evil is relative, no man is perfect. Our own existence doesn’t have a good and evil. We don’t have set rules. Who is really winning this fight? I wonder.